A Month With Goku
by Kayfig
Summary: Vegeta has to spend an ENTIRE month with Goku....but is that really as bad as it sounds??? **Chapter 6** uploaded! It seems Goku has been found by the "Idiot Relocation Program," but if he is not claimed in two days he'll get educated by President Bush?
1. First Day In Hell

Hey folks.*glances dismally at Fanfiction.net crowd* Wassup?  
  
Vegeta: What sort of question is that?  
  
Kayfig: Apparently not one to be answered.  
  
Vegeta: WRITE THE TORTURE FIC ABOUT ME NOW!!!  
  
Kayfig: Do you even know what the word "torture" means?  
  
Vegeta: **sniffs** 'Course I do. **secretly flipping through dictionary*  
  
Kayfig: **raises eyebrow** Oh REALLY?  
  
Vegeta: YEAH! Here's the er.meaning of the word right here! **pointing at book**  
  
Kayfig: Lemme see it then!  
  
Vegeta: Uh.lost my page?  
  
Kayfig: You're pathetic...  
  
Vegeta: TOO MANY BIG WORDS!!!!!  
  
Kayfig: That's nothing...what about supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?  
  
Vegeta: Uhm..I know I'm not particularly smart or anything, but I'm pretty sure you spelled that wrong.  
  
Kayfig: **sniffs** Shows what you know.  
  
Vegeta: ..  
  
Kayfig: OH..and in case you folks were dying to know, I don't own DBZ..**points** But Gourry does.  
  
Gourry: . THIS ISN'T A SLAYERS FIC!!!!  
  
Kayfig: It could've been.  
  
Lina: She's got you there, Gourry.  
  
Gourry: AHHHHHHH-GO AWAY..you're ruining the original purpose of the fic!!!!  
  
Vegeta: There was a purpose? Er..yeah, what the dumb blond said!  
  
Gourry: WHY YOU- ************  
  
Chapter 1: All's Fair In Love, War, and Camping  
  
Vegeta smiled as he took a shower, the greatest glee filling his usually dark and evil heart. And do you want to know WHY the Sayian prince was smiling?  
  
Of course you do.  
  
The reason the prince was smiling was a simple, but lovely one. Bulma, Trunks, Goku, and all their other stupid Earth friends were going on a stupid camping trip, where they would most likely get eaten by large woodland creatures.  
  
Thus the reason for the smiling.  
  
Vegeta's thoughts of happiness were quickly threatened by a dark cloud, when he heard movement on the other side of the bathroom door.  
  
"Hello?" A cruelly familiar voice said.  
  
Vegeta twitched. Why did it HAVE TO BE that infernal idiot Kakkorot? WHY, OH WHY, DID IT HAVE TO BE **HIM** OUT OF ALL PEOPLE?! Vegeta remained quiet. Maybe if he didn't make any noise, Kakkarot would just get bored and go away. Five minutes passed until all cries died away, and Vegeta let out a breath.  
  
BIG MISTAKE.  
  
"OH, there you are!" Goku cried with joy, as he moved aside the shower curtain.  
  
"GAH-CLOSE THAT AT ONCE YOU FOOL! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M NAKED!?" Vegeta cried in disgust and fury, as water poured down on his head and got all over the bathroom floor.  
  
Goku smiled stupidly and began to undress. "I was just thinking how great it would be to take a shower, Vegeta. And look-you being so thoughtful and starting one for me!"  
  
Twitch.  
  
Goku began tugging on his pants..  
  
"STOP!"  
  
Goku looked up quickly, confusion spanning across his face. "What's wrong, Vegeta?"  
  
"Uhm..er..you see." "What?" Goku asked, looking around. "See what?"  
  
Vegeta slapped his forehead and instantly regretted it. I mean, it kinda hurt after all. "What I'm TRYING to say is..."  
  
Goku hopped up and down in excitement. "Wait, LEMME GUESS!"  
  
Vegeta sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. "Do whatever," He muttered irritably, trying to use the remainder of the shower curtain as a shield from the cold.  
  
Goku smiled and thumbed his chin, pretending to think. ( Ka: Which is pretty much just for show, since he can't..^_^ I'm so mean to Goku sometimes!) After a lot of drooling, the mouse managed to get the cheese (referring to Goku's though process), and Goku smiled stupidly. "I KNOW!"  
  
Vegeta fumbled with the soap and looked up at Goku. "What?"  
  
Goku frowned. "Wait, I forgot."  
  
Vegeta felt a massive twitch coming on as he looked away. He hated Kakkorot for ruining his time alone-the only time alone he ever got. "Aren't you supposed to be on a camping trip getting eaten?" He demanded of the stupid one. (A.k.a Goku)  
  
Goku jumped up and down with a squeal of delight, which caused Vegeta to fall over in startled and horrified surprise. (Ka: ^.^)  
  
"THAT'S RIGHT!" Goku shrieked with insanity. "I'M SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU THE NEWS UPDATE ABOUT THE CAMPING TRIP!"  
  
Vegeta twitched for real this time. "What 'News Update?'" He demanded on the brink of dry-mouthed fear.  
  
"SINCE CHI-CHI'S AFRAID I'LL HURT MYSELF, SHE TOLD ME TO STAY WITH YOU FOR THE MONTH THEY WERE GONE!"  
  
Vegeta was silent for a moment, his worst and most terrible nightmares unfolding before his very eyes. "She told you to do WHAT?!"  
  
"To stay with you, silly!" Goku said with a good-natured giggle.  
  
Vegeta fainted.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Ka: It's fun to be mean to Vegeta sometimes too, huh?!  
  
Vegeta: **sniffs** Well I didn't think it was funny.  
  
Goku: I DID!!!!! **giggles** ^.^  
  
Vegeta: **looks at Goku** I hate you.  
  
Ka: **hugs them both** Isn't this soooooooooooooo cute?!  
  
Vegeta: _O **twitch**  
  
Ka: REVIEW!!!!!!! (Please?)  
  
If you do, I'll update soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. Evil Plumber

So you people liked the first chapter, huh? Can't say I'm unhappy about THAT. Like I said, I get reviews and I'll update. (Even if I've only gotten a few so far) STILL-MY HOPE GOES ON!!!!!!  
  
  
  
Chapter 2: The Start of Something Rotten  
  
  
  
"Hello?" A voice seemed to call from far away.  
  
Vegeta stirred slowly, his eyelids flickering in response to that odd voice, that terribly odd, annoying voice...  
  
Was Goku's. "HIYA!!!!!!" Goku screamed, causing Vegeta to wince in pain. "You fell asleep while I was talking to you, so I decided to try and wake you up out here!"  
  
"What the fuck are you doing in my house?!" Vegeta growled. "Where's that infernal woman and her stupid brat?!"  
  
"Why do you keep on adding the same symbols after what you're saying?" Goku asked with a cocked head.  
  
Hissing nasty phrases, Vegeta sat up and pushed Goku away. Why was his house so cold?! WHY?! Vegeta looked down and it slowly dawned on him.  
  
He was naked.  
  
And not just that..  
  
He was naked WHILE Goku was staring stupidly at him.  
  
But even worse still..  
  
Vegeta could still hear the shower..  
  
That was on...  
  
And flooding the house.  
  
This was going to be a long month.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
-The Next Day-  
  
"That'll be 50 bucks, buddy."  
  
"50 dollars?! ARE YOU TRYING TO ROB ME BLIND, MAN?!" Vegeta screamed at the top of his lungs.  
  
The plumber rolled his eyes. "Will you shut up? I already told you how much it was going to cost before I started."  
  
"LIES-LIES!!!!!!!"  
  
The plumber frowned. "It's not my fault you flooded your own house like a complete ass, Mr. Vegetable."  
  
Vegeta twitched. "What did you call me?"  
  
"Mr. Vegetable," The plumber said matter-of-factly.  
  
"MY NAME IS-"  
  
"VEGGIE-CHAN!!!!" Goku shrieked with joy.  
  
Vegeta shuddered and turned. "How did you get out of the CLOSET?!" He screamed in frustration.  
  
"I blew the door up," Goku said with a dumb smile.  
  
"YOU WHAT?!"  
  
"Actually, I blew half of the house up..but I didn't mean to!" Goku said with a bowed head.  
  
Vegeta bit his tongue and tried not to scream.  
  
"Didja know you're out of food, Vegeta?"  
  
Vegeta's face reddened, but he kept his mouth shut. DEEP BREATHING, DEEP BREATHING...  
  
"And I ate all the toilet paper, which was soggy anyway, 'cuz there was nothing left."  
  
His face looked like a tomato.  
  
"But I guess what I'm trying to say is.." "That'll be 50 bucks," The plumber interjected, and was incinerated.  
  
Goku blinked, then squealed, "PAPER!!!!" As he stuffed the plumber's bill into his mouth.  
  
Energy swirled around Vegeta as he looked down at the grease spot on his sidewalk.  
  
Goku looked at Vegeta and said in a muffled, paper-eating voice, "Does this mean we don't have to pay?"  
  
Vegeta sighed and began massaging his temples, as he walked back into the house. "I guess."  
  
The Sayian Prince tried to sit on the couch, but he noticed how very burnt and not-there it was. Blink blink. "KAKKOROT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Kayfig: **bows head** I know that wasn't super long, but you'll have to bare with me for now!!!!  
  
Vegeta: What's with you and excuses, woman?!  
  
Kayfig: What's with you and exclamation points, Vegeta?!  
  
Vegeta: ...I can't help what the author makes me do.  
  
Kayfig: How sad for you.  
  
Vegeta: Grrrrrrrrrr......**twitch**  
  
I'll crank out the next chapter SOOOOOOON!!!!!  
  
Byes-  
  
~Kayfig 


	3. Things to Learn

It's me again, with a new chapter and new ideas!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for the delay (last minute holiday shopping will do that to 'ya!) But in order to make amends, I've written an **especially** long chapter!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. *shock, dismay, surprise*  
  
Chapter 3: Sanity Isn't Free  
  
~2 days later~  
  
Vegeta sat on the couch, jaw slack and eyes glazed.  
  
It had been approximately 3 days, 54 hours, 700 minutes, and 10,000- something seconds, since Goku had taken resident in the Brief's home. (Ka: The timing above may be a bit skewed, but I'm too lazy to ACTUALLY calculate it correctly -.-)  
  
And IN this amount of hideous time, Vegeta had grown to accept one, simple fact......  
  
Hell DID exist on Earth.  
  
And it's name was Son Goku, one small of mind, and one whom possessed a great and terrible ability.....  
  
Of annoyance.  
  
And Destruction.  
  
And most of all......  
  
STUPIDITY.  
  
"Where did you put the wall, Vegeta?" Goku inquired of his stupefied rival.  
  
Vegeta sighed tiredly and glared at Goku. "You blew it up, REMEMBER?"  
  
"Just like I did the closet?"  
  
"Yes," Vegeta muttered wearily. "Just like you did the closet."  
  
"Oh." Goku left the room, leaving Vegeta to miserably ponder why he was so deserving of this month-long nightmare.  
  
Vegeta picked up a pad of paper and a pen from the table beside him, and proceeded to make a list.  
  
WHY I COULD POSSIBLY BE SO UNDESERVING OF MY SANITY Compiled by: Vegeta Briefs  
  
1. I've killed lots of people.  
  
2. I hate fruitcake.  
  
3. I resemble an evil artichoke.  
  
4. Old ladies make me gag.  
  
5. I stole a thong from a planet made of silk once. (Details unnessacery)  
  
6. I eat cheese every 3rd Sunday, of each month.  
  
7. I didn't clean my room when I was a child.  
  
8. I once called Piccolo "a eskimo-loving fool."  
  
9. I secretly plot world peace in the bathtub.  
  
Vegeta re-read his list and stopped on the last reason with a frown. It had to be that damn world peace thing. He was just about to destroy the list in a fiery ki blast, when who should come along but Kakkorot.  
  
"Hi Vegeta, whatcha doing?" Goku asked with a cheerful smile.  
  
"Writing a list of ways I could kill you," Vegeta muttered darkly.  
  
Goku grinned and glomped his foe, glee filling his whole being. "Well, isn't that sweet of you!" He squealed.  
  
Vegeta backhanded Goku and stood up sharply. "I'm going to the store."  
  
Goku got up, rubbing his cheek. "Can I come?"  
  
"What for?" Vegeta snapped, slicking his hair back with gel.  
  
"I want some more food," The bottomless pit answered truthfully.  
  
Vegeta sneered and looked over at Goku in a superior manner. "I don't eat a QUARTER of what YOU gorge on, and **I'm** the Prince of all Saiyans."  
  
Goku rolled his eyes, and shook his head. "Why do you always say that Vegeta? You don't see ME going around all the time muttering like a crack addict about how great it is to be a third-class warrior."  
  
Glare. Vegeta frowned and turned away from Goku. "You can't possibly comprehend my reasons for the things I say."  
  
Goku sidled up next to Vegeta with a knowing smirk. "Could it be because you're insecure?"  
  
"IN-INSECURE?!" Sputtered the Sayian Prince in a rage. "HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST THAT **I**, VEGETA, PRINCE OF ALL--"  
  
Goku smiled.  
  
"Er.......I mean.....I wasn't going to say Prince of all Sayians--I was gonna say, um, prince of all MUSHROOMS!!!!!!" Vegeta's face was flustered and red. "Yeah......um, that's it."  
  
"SURE it is," Goku said with a smirk Vegeta would have more charastically shown.  
  
Vegeta stared in baffled silence, as his rival walked past him with a grace most PRINCES could not accomplish.  
  
"How...?" Vegeta asked in confusion.  
  
"How what?" Goku asked turning around to face Vegeta.  
  
"How did you get so smart all of a sudden?" Vegeta whispered in disbelief.  
  
Goku shrugged and smiled shyly. "I dunno, Vegeta. I just.....sometimes people think I'm stupid and the real thing is.......I'm not!"  
  
Vegeta wasn't sure whether to laugh or to stare blankly. "Do you mean to tell me your stupidity is just an act?"  
  
Goku looked thoughtful. " 'Ya know, I couldn't say. Sometimes I really AM pretty dumb, but other times......." Goku shrugged. "There's a part of me that speaks from the heart that even *I* don't always understand."  
  
Vegeta sighed in relief, and wiped his brow of nervous sweat. "Geez, for a moment you had me worried. I thought maybe you'd actually said something that made SENSE, and you can imagine how scary THAT was."  
  
"I'll bet!" Goku said, smiling warmly.  
  
Vegeta nodded, walking past the Sayian warrior who had surpassed him in strength, but not in rank. As Goku took to the air, Vegeta felt a strange feeling come over him as he flew behind Kakkarot. Those things he said back there, those words about insecurity and being smarter than you looked-- could it be that Goku had achieved a level of ability that even Vegeta could not surpass? It was a level of something that Vegeta had known nothing of since he was boy, a level of feeling within the heart he had not felt for so long.  
  
Vegeta sighed, shaking his head. Maybe the time for underestimating Goku was something of the past, that could and should not be applied to the present any longer.  
  
Maybe........  
  
This month wouldn't be so bad AFTER all.  
  
'One can only hope,' Vegeta thought silently. 'One can only hope.'  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
**blink** Well I wasn't expecting to write something that strayed off the humor genre, but.....I just felt like reaching an emotional level in this chapter I did not previously apply to the other segments of "A Month With Goku."  
  
Well......did you like the little change I made or do you want me to go with straight humor (and nothing in between)? Personally, I liked this chapter a lot better than the 1st or 2nd one, because it still contained humor with a tinge of emotional understanding......  
  
This is exactly the way I want to write when I'm older. (with the use of original concepts and ideas of course)  
  
REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!  
  
~Kayfig  
  
P.S. I'll try to make you appear in the fic as soon as possible, Pan!!!!!! 


	4. The End of Goku?

Another day, another chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: To own DBZ or to not own DBZ? Well I don't, so why am I asking? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter 4: If You Only Knew  
  
"You're lagging behind, Vegeta!" Goku called from up front.  
  
"Oh.....right. BE THERE IN A MOMENT!" The Sayian prince called as he increased his flying speed.  
  
Once Vegeta was level with Goku, the third-class warrior turned to his adversary. "Why do you need to go to the store again?"  
  
Vegeta frowned in thought, then looked back at Kakkarot. "To get bread."  
  
Goku almost fell out of the sky. "TO GET BREAD?!"  
  
"What?" Vegeta demanded, looking away as his face reddened slightly.  
  
"YOU'RE GOING TO THE STORE TO GET **BREAD** AND YOU WERE ACCUSING **ME** OF EATING TOO MUCH?!"  
  
"How is getting bread eating too much?!" Vegeta snarled at Goku.  
  
Goku crossed his arms and stuck out his tongue. "It's the principle of the thing."  
  
"WHAT PRINCIPLE?! WHY SHOULD IT MATTER IF I GET CRAPPY BREAD OR NOT?!"  
  
Goku gasped and covered his mouth.  
  
"WHAT?!" Vegeta screamed at him, half out of frustration and half out of panic.  
  
"You said a bad word, Veggie-chan," Goku whispered.  
  
Stare. "What are you talking about you fool?!"  
  
"YOU SAID THE "C" WORD!"  
  
There was a long pause as Vegeta swallowed the information. "You mean to tell me you consider it offensive when someone says the word--"  
  
"DON'T SAY IT!!!!" Goku cried, cringing in fear.  
  
"When someone utters-"  
  
"NO!!!!!!!" Goku screeched as he went into spasms.  
  
"But what if someone needs to take a-"  
  
"STOP IT!!!!!!!!!" Goku screamed at the top of his lungs, going Super Sayian in the process.  
  
Vegeta smiled, as he backed away a bit. "You are extremely fun to upset, Kakkarot."  
  
Breathing heavily, Goku returned to his normal state, and glared at Vegeta. "That wasn't very funny."  
  
Vegeta's smile widened. "I actually found it to be very amusing."  
  
Glare.  
  
Smile.  
  
"Jerk."  
  
"Baby."  
  
"Meanie."  
  
"Crap."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Vegeta walked down the produce aisle slowly, eyes scanning for kiwi, all the while praying Goku would remain occupied long enough in the dairy section.  
  
Suddenly.........  
  
"CLEAN-UP ON AISLE 12.......SOME NUT IS ATTACKING ALL THE MILK CARTONS!!!"  
  
Vegeta cringed and tried to ignore the announcement. Maybe if he was lucky it wouldn't be Goku.....and the kiwi, the all-knowing kiwi was better than a brain-dead, black-haired weirdo, anyday.  
  
But fate would not give this guy a rest because Goku tore down the produce aisle, threw a carton of milk into the air, screamed "NO LONGER SHALL YOU MOCK ME MILKY ADVERSARY!!", then blew the milk into a thousand evil fragments.  
  
Vegeta blinked, picked up the kiwi, and held tightly to the bread.  
  
His life was so screwed up. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Vegeta sat on the balcony, tender ebony eyes clinging to the fading sun, his heart aching for his mate and his only son. It seemed like such a long time since he'd last seen them.  
  
He missed them so much.  
  
Tears cascaded like rain, and Goku watched in silence.......an uninvited guest of Vegeta's pain. The sun set on Capsule Corp. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Vegeta," Goku whispered into the darkness.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Do you want to change your life?"  
  
Vegeta felt a ripple of shock rush through his body. It was so cold here....so very cold.  
  
"Do you want to change your heart?"  
  
Vegeta could say nothing, the image of Goku fading into daybreak.  
  
'It was a dream,' He thought. 'Merely a dream created by stress and confusion.'  
  
Still........he couldn't shake the memory of his words.  
  
"Do you want to change your life?"  
  
What could that possibly mean? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Vegeta: Don't you know this is supposed to be a humor fic?  
  
Kayfig: **long sigh** Yeah, but I just read something really sad and depressing.....it made me think of Kyra.  
  
Pan: Who? (See--you appeared!)  
  
Kayfig: My friend. **sighs and sits down**  
  
Vegeta: What's wrong with you? You're making my brain hurt!  
  
Kayfig: -_- Nuttin....I'm gonna get with the program again though!  
  
Vegeta: Please do! No wait.......don't. **groans** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Vegeta sat down at the table and ate Captain Crunch in silence.......for a little while at least.  
  
"I SAW YOU CRYING YESTERDAY!!!" Goku screamed at the top of his lungs, shattering the bowl that contained Vegeta's food in the process.  
  
Vegeta stared at the remainder of the milk, food, and bowl, his breathing growing heavier.  
  
"Are you going into cardiac arrest?" Goku queried in concern. " 'Cuz if you are, I think I learned something in Health class that could help."  
  
"Did they teach you how to call 911?" Vegeta snarled, standing slowly.  
  
Goku thought for a moment. "I think so.....don't you just dial 9-7-12 or something?"  
  
Ignoring his last comment, Vegeta turned, his face a violent red color. "Well they had better have, because you'll need medical attention once I'm finished killing you!!!!!"  
  
Goku snorted. "No I won't, silly!"  
  
Vegeta took a step closer, and the house began shaking on it's foundations as the Sayian Prince powered up.  
  
Completely oblivious, Goku brightly stated, "I'd need a morgue then!"  
  
Vegeta began powering up a massive Galic Gun as his foolish prey stood stupidly mumbling to himself.  
  
"I think I'd need a coffin too!"  
  
The energy blast grew bigger.......  
  
"Or at least some aspirin......"  
  
And more tremendous......  
  
"Why, I haven't even written a will yet!"  
  
Until finally, the blast was the size of the now non-existent kitchen, and nearly half of the living room....  
  
And Vegeta would have thrown it too, if Goku hadn't managed to save his measly life with one, innocent comment.  
  
"And...." Goku looked at his alleged foe. "In my will, I would make sure everyone knew what a strong, yet tender father and friend you are."  
  
Vegeta stared stupidly, the blast dwindling down into nothing.  
  
Goku smiled. "My will would be the bestest one in the whole world......you wanna know why?"  
  
"W-why?" Vegeta asked, a mixture of confusion and inner turmoil on his face.  
  
" 'Cuz you would be part of it." Goku said as he gently smiled and encircled the shocked Vegeta in his arms.  
  
Blink.  
  
A thousand thoughts ran through Vegeta's stunned mind.  
  
"I'm glad that we're friends," Goku whispered.  
  
Vegeta blinked a second time, then shoved Goku away. "W-we're not." His expression hardened into the same cold, icy exterior. "Don't ever think for a second that you mean ANYTHING to me," The prince snarled as he walked away from his so-called enemy.  
  
Goku watched Vegeta leave, smiling sadly. "If you only knew...." He whispered softly, as he turned to exit the house. "If you only knew, how much I know you, Vegeta."  
  
And with that......he was gone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Vegeta: That wasn't much of an improvement.........still really depressing.  
  
Kayfig: Ah, correct you are-- but it's part of the plot development.  
  
Vegeta: Hmph, I wouldn't have been such an ass if he hadn't hugged me.  
  
Kayfig: Come on.........'ya know you liked it. *nudges Vegeta*  
  
Vegeta: **blushes** NO WAY--ARE YOU INSANE, WOMAN?!  
  
Kayfig: **gives the question serious thought** Why yes.......yes, I am.  
  
Vegeta: **sweatdrop** Are you gonna change this to yaoi (gay love) now too?  
  
Kayfig: **shakes head** Nah, I've never really gone for that sort of thing. I just want you to have friends........  
  
Vegeta: Ain't gonna happen.  
  
Kayfig: We'll see about that! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Vegeta: **edges away** Please don't laugh like that.......you're making me nervous.  
  
Kayfig: **grin**  
  
I'll write a longer chapter later, I PROMISE!!!!  
  
~Kayfig ~_^ 


	5. Hurdle Down Memory Lane

I would like to start off this chapter with Pan saying two words:  
  
Pan: Two words.  
  
Thank you.  
  
Disclaimer: No, no, I did not create fried rice. You look somewhere else now. **Vegeta whispers something in author's ear** OH, 'ya mean this was for DBZ? **Vegeta nods** Okay then! Since Pan probably didn't like my joke (I'm such a smartass) she can say the disclaimer.  
  
Pan: **Ahem** Kayfig couldn't own DBZ if her life depended on it. **bows**  
  
Kayfig: **glares, then resumes writing**  
  
Vegeta: Didn't your Mom tell you to do something?  
  
Kayfig: Urk! **glares at Vegeta** Can it, Veggie-chan.  
  
Vegeta: I think you should listen to your mother more often.  
  
Kayfig: Well, I think you should go to--  
  
**Mom walks through door**  
  
Kayfig: AHHH, okay, see ya later!  
  
Kayfig: **returns hours later** Okay-now I shall write!  
  
First, I dedicate this chapter to anyone who encouraged me to write, with a special thanks to Pan and Michi.  
  
Chapter Five: The All-Knowing Kiwi Becomes a Counselor  
  
"So Vegeta, is the glass half full or half empty?"  
  
"What did the glass have in it originally?"  
  
"Er-that's not important."  
  
"It is to me. What did that blasted glass contain?!"  
  
The kiwi sighed and appeared to be thinking. "Um, lemonade? Vegeta shook his head. "I despise sour things." ________________________________________________________________________  
  
~Author avoids saying something extremely perverted~ ________________________________________________________________________  
  
The kiwi glared at Vegeta. "That's not what you were said last night."  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
~Well........I didn't say it!~ ________________________________________________________________________  
  
Vegeta blushed and looked away. "You're not supposed to bring personal things into light, while you're in a session. What happened last night is completely irrelevant to what's happening right now......."  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
It's FLASHBACK TIME, kiddies! Buckle your underwear, hang on to your sweater, and pray that I actually write a long chapter this time!  
  
............And why am I using lines? ________________________________________________________________________  
  
~Flashback~  
  
Vegeta walked out of the living room, making a beeline to the kitchen. Geez, he was hungry--that fight with Kakkarot had left him emotionally drained. Further more, something that was really worrying him was where exactly his none-to-bright foe had ventured off to. No matter where he looked, no matter how many times he searched for Goku's energy trace, the dark-haired warrior was nowhere to be found.  
  
Vegeta stopped at the fridge.  
  
He'd just have to look for him tomorrow.......Kakkarot probably wouldn't even remember what happened anyway.  
  
Vegeta slowly opened the door, reached for the milk, then heard.......  
  
"HOWDY Y'ALL!"  
  
Vegeta screamed as a little girl might, stumbling backwards.  
  
Blink, blink.  
  
A kiwi had just spoken to him.  
  
Blink, blink.  
  
Before Vegeta could go into a seizure, the kiwi hopped down from it's perch (the top shelf in the fridge) and smiled pleasantly.  
  
"Want something sour?" The kiwi asked, leaning forward.  
  
Vegeta stared and said nothing.  
  
"Just close your eyes, and you'll get a big surprise........"  
  
________________________________________________________________________ **smiles in satisfaction as she watches her readers gag and promise themselves that they'll never read this author's nasty fics again** ________________________________________________________________________  
  
~End Flashback~  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
Vegeta: You can't just end it like that without letting anyone know what happened!!!!  
  
Kayfig: I WOULD tell them if you'd just go away.  
  
Vegeta: I hafta stay, I'm the star!  
  
Kayfig: Everyone wants to be a star.......  
  
Vegeta: What?!  
  
~End pointless conversation~ ________________________________________________________________________  
  
"YOU LOVED THAT SOUR SENSATION AT THE TIME!!!!" The kiwi accused. "YOU HAD THE MOST PUCKERED FACE EVER!!!"  
  
"How else did you expect me to react?!" Vegeta yelled. "I JUST CAN'T HANDLE SOUR STARBURSTS!!!!"  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
**snickers** And you guys thought it was gonna be perverted.....didn't you?!  
  
Silly, nasty people! ________________________________________________________________________  
  
Both the kiwi and Vegeta were breathing heavily.  
  
"I have to go find Kakkarot," Vegeta mumbled, standing.  
  
The kiwi strangely had no reply.  
  
It's just a kiwi, 'ya know. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
-3 hours later- (Goku's POV)  
  
It feels like I've been walking for days. A part of me wants to tell him, but I just can't. How would Vegeta react if he knew I had yet ANOTHER power that he could never hope to possess?  
  
Gosh, I feel like I'm acting too superior.  
  
Besides......  
  
I can't imagine how Vegeta would feel if he really knew who I was.  
  
If he REALLY knew my rank among the Sayians.  
  
Sigh.  
  
Oh my dear brother, what am I supposed to do now?  
  
.......Who am I supposed to turn to NOW? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
-32 years ago (Flashback)-  
  
King Vegeta stood with his back to his eldest son, his sturdy frame shaking slightly. "We've lost contact with all the ships, and your mother has disappeared. Some have even claimed she was the one who gave Freeza (using the Japanese spelling) access to our security systems and weaponry."  
  
Raditz sneered. "Don't worry, Father. Vegeta is off-planet and the man who posed as the father of Kakkarot and I is rumored to be dead."  
  
The King sighed. "Yes, I heard about that. Entire crew wiped out by one measly alien species......" "Pathetic failures," Raditz dismissed with a wave of his hand.  
  
The weary king nodded then asked in an inquisitive tone, "And what of the boy--the one destined to be a Legendary Super Sayian?"  
  
Raditz looked away in disgust, this being his least favorite subject. "He's in a space pod headed towards Earth at this very moment."  
  
King Vegeta smiled. "Excellent. And you will greet him later, as planned, my son?"  
  
A slow, evil smile spread across Raditz's face as he formed a small energy ball behind his back. "Of course, Father." Raditz took a step forward, raising his energy level slightly. "Just as planned."  
  
The king never knew what hit him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
-In the Present-  
  
Vegeta groaned and held his hands above his head as rain began to fall. If there was one thing he hated more than Kakkarot, it was rain.  
  
Rain, rain, rain--horrible rain!  
  
Irritated, sore, and hungry, the Sayian prince stumbled to the side of the road as a semi sped past.......  
  
Soaking him with dirty, freezing water.  
  
Vegeta growled and sulked his princiest sulk.  
  
Life was so unfair. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
-27 years ago (Flashback)-  
  
"Walk faster, you slime!" Raditz snarled, pushing the captive girl along the corridor.  
  
"Let go of me!" She shrieked, her turquoise eyes burning with hatred as she deliberately slowed her shuffle.  
  
"I SAID MOVE, DAMN IT!" Raditz yelled, raising his arm up to strike the young girl.  
  
Unfortunately for him, Vegeta was quick to put an end to his abuse.  
  
The two glowered at one another.  
  
"Leave the girl alone," Vegeta said quietly, pronouncing each word dangerously slow.  
  
Raditz glared at him, a swear of secrecy on his life, the only thing that held him back from putting the " One and Only Sayian Prince" in his place. "Fine!" He snapped, releasing the young Earthling. "Take her if you will." Grumbling, he stalked off to his room, saying nothing more.  
  
Vegeta stared after Raditz a moment more before looking back at the strange teen.  
  
Before he could say anything, she gave him a quick, firm kiss on the lips, blushing ever so slightly. "Thank you for saving me."  
  
All cold, angry thoughts left the Prince's mind as he gazed into her beautiful sparkling eyes.  
  
A strange flutter in his stomach.......but what could it mean?  
  
He looked away, the faintest red gathering on his cheeks as he led her down a corridor to a unoccupied room.  
  
He untied her quickly, looking her in the eye briefly before activating the machine. "You are far from home," he explained. "You were captured on accident, a fault of my lackey, and are now being returned."  
  
She looked at him searchingly. "But why can't I stay here with you?" She asked softly. "You've been so nice to me and I just thought-"  
  
"Don't think," Vegeta snapped, not able to look her in the eye. "I just don't like to see something.........that I can tolerate the sight of, getting mistreated."  
  
She glared at him, tapping her foot. "Is that so?"  
  
Vegeta said nothing.  
  
"Well guess what?"  
  
"What?" Vegeta grunted as he re-connected a few wires.  
  
"I think you love me."  
  
He stopped to stare at her. "Your jokes are terrible, Earthling. However, I shall let it, as you say on Earth, slide."  
  
She rolled her eyes and punched him in the shoulder. "Oh, shut up!"  
  
A moment of silence passed between them, until he suddenly pushed her into the machine.  
  
Before she could protest, he switched it on and watched it tremble to life.  
  
"What's your name?" He yelled over the rumble of the space pod.  
  
"My name?" She repeated, sounding frightened.  
  
"Yes," Vegeta said sharply. "Your name."  
  
"Um, well--it's Bulma Briefs!"  
  
"Very well then, Bulma. You will remember nothing of this experience when you return to Earth."  
  
"But-"  
  
"And one day," He shouted as the machine roared to life and began to move. "I will find you, Bulma Briefs!"  
  
"How will I know?" She asked, sounding scared.  
  
"You won't," He whispered softly.  
  
"What?! I can't hear you!"  
  
"But I will," He said, watching the frantic girl's pod disappear into the stars. "And when I do....." He smiled and left the room, prepared to face life alone again.......for now.  
  
~End Flashback~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kayfig: So.......whaddya think?  
  
Vegeta: I think.......  
  
Kayfig: Yes?  
  
Vegeta: That had no relevance whatsoever with the current storyline.  
  
Kayfig: **sweatdrops** Oh shut up! I actually found it to be very good plot development, character development, and it was very.......  
  
Vegeta: **leans forward** What?  
  
Kayfig: SWEET!!!!!!!!! **bursts into tears**  
  
Vegeta: Oh dear.......  
  
REVIEW, REVIEW!!!!!  
  
It was long--just like I promised!!!!!! **hops up and down** 


	6. The Idiot Relocation Program

Today is Friday...two days before I go back to school and Winter Break ends.  
  
I'm not sure whether to shudder or jump for joy. (Yes, I'm THAT bored)  
  
Disclaimer: Um, I don't own DBZ, okay? LEAVE ME ALONE!  
  
Chapter 6: A Change of Heart? Nah, someone went insane.  
  
~A week after Goku's disapperance~  
  
Vegeta sat on the couch, zoning out. There was something he was supposed to be doing if he remembered properly (which he didn't). Someone or something that was missing and in it's disappearance, making his life relaxing. Vegeta smiled.  
  
Whatever it was could wait.  
  
~Over at the Campground (where most Z members are)~  
  
"I'm sunburned again!" Trunks whined, pulling off his shirt to reveal the dark, angry looking skin on his back.  
  
Bulma sighed and frowned. "Didn't we already talk about this, Trunks? I told you SPECIFICALLY to apply sunscreen every hour after getting in the water."  
  
"NO YOU DIDN'T!!!!" Trunks shrieked in accusation. "You said every FIVE hours."  
  
Goten covered his ears and tucked his head against Gohan's chest. He wished Mr. Vegeta was here-things always seemed better and for some reason, QUIETER, with him around.  
  
Chichi sighed and tried to be proactive about the situation. "Will some ice cream cool you down, Trunks?"  
  
Trunks glared at her. "How old do I look-five?!" He snapped.  
  
"TRUNKS!" Bulma cried, looking shocked at her son's rude behavior. "APOLOGIZE TO CHICHI AT ONCE!"  
  
"NO WAY!" Trunks yelled, sticking out his tongue. "I WISH DAD WERE HERE, 'CUZ HE WOULDN'T BE SO MEAN TO ME!"  
  
"HOW DARE YOU ACT AS IF YOUR FATHER IS A SAINT?!" Bulma screamed at Trunks.  
  
The demi-sayijin scowled, didn't answer, and stormed into his tent.  
  
He hated camping.  
  
~3 hours later at the Brief's home~  
  
There was a knock on the door.  
  
Vegeta, (who had fallen asleep) stirred briefly before turning over and closing his eyes again.  
  
The knock became more insistent and frantic. "Sir?" asked a strange voice. "Sir-a moment of your time, please."  
  
'I'll give you a moment of my time,' Vegeta thought grumpily, as he stood and went to the door. "Who is it?!" He yelled.  
  
"I'm down here, sir," A small, gnome-ish looking man said.  
  
Vegeta stared.  
  
Wasting no further time, the man cleared his throat and went straight to business. "I'm with the "Idiot Relocation Program" and we would like to inform you that we may have found your buffoon."  
  
"What the hell are you babbling about?!" Vegeta demanded. "I KNOW NO IDIOTS!"  
  
The man jumped and whimpered a little. "Please don't yell, sir. There's no cause for such alarm." The man produced a "Missing Idiot Sign" and handed it to Vegeta. "We have cause to believe you posted this notice up a few days ago."  
  
"Why..that's Kakkarot," Vegeta, who was a couple hot dogs short of a weenie roast, said in open-mouthed awe.  
  
"Yes, sir...quite an interesting name you gave him there. The idiot proclaimed such nonsense as his name was "Son Goku"-though missing idiots are rarely taken seriously."  
  
Vegeta slowly caught up to what the odd man was saying. "So you found Kakkarot, right?"  
  
The man smiled. "Yes, sir, indeed we have."  
  
Vegeta was silent.  
  
"You may pick him up whenever you wish, today or tomorrow morning. If he is not claimed by the stated days, he will be..." The man gulped. "Educated." He shuddered.  
  
"Educate him then," Vegeta said, casting the flyer he'd made a week earlier, away.  
  
The man blanched visibly. "Y-you really don't mean that sir, do you? If he is-" The man shuddered. "Educated, the consequences on his mental health could be dire!"  
  
Vegeta seized the collar of the official, "What will the side-effects be, little man?" He asked, narrowing his eyes.  
  
Swallowing nervously, the "little man" dabbed his forehead with a small cloth. "The worst effect would be.."  
  
"Yes?" Vegeta said, tightening his grip.  
  
"THE WORST EFFECT WOULD BE INCREASED INTELLIGENCE!!!!" He let out in a high- pitched squeak.  
  
Vegeta snorted and dropped him. "Is THAT all? I thought it was something serious!"  
  
"But that's not all!" The short guy cried.  
  
"What else is there than?" Vegeta asked with an arched eyebrow.  
  
"He'll be taught by P-p-president Bush."  
  
Vegeta was so mentally disturbed by those horrible words he went fetal for the rest of the week.  
  
**bows head** Sorry it's so short, but I have homework that's in desperate need of finishing.  
  
But to sate your appetites, here's a tidbit of "NEXT TIME!"  
  
"Legislative Branch, edugimated kittens."  
  
"KAKKAROT-SNAP OUT OF IT!"  
  
"Yes, I would like to sleep with you. Do you mind a threesome?"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Vegeta screamed, twitching madly. "BUSH IS A LEADER OF EVIL, EVIL!!!!!"  
  
"Now don't be that way about it," The brainwashed Goku cooed. "The President's gonna rock your world, honey-he's gonna rock your world ALLLLLLLLL night long!"  
  
Vegeta went into spasms.  
  
And~THE APPEARANCE OF THE MYSTERIOUS PAN!!!!!! (a reviewer of mine)  
  
TOODLES!!!!  
  
~Kayfig ^_~ 


	7. Goku is Educated and the Appearance of R...

Finally I return to the fray of Fanfiction, my loyal readers! **glances around** Readers...where did you go? **Tumbleweed flies past with Tan chasing after it** **Blink** Okay then...I'LL TRY TO BE LESS DISTURBING IF YOU ALL COME BACK!!!!! **dead silent** Aw hell, I guess I'll just write the next few chapters and hope you guys (and gals) care enough to return...**whine**  
  
Chapter 7: Education and The Appearance of Reviewer Pan!!!!  
  
Vegeta woke facedown on his lawn, his brain buzzing anxiously. Something about Kakkorot......something important he had to remember......  
  
"He's waiting for you in the Idiot Relocation Center, fool!" A cranky sounding voice yelled from the skies.  
  
Vegeta stood looking very much like a paranoid old man. "Who speaks to me?!" He screamed in Sayian-like fashion, his eyes bulging grotesqly from his large vegetable-shaped head.  
  
"I'm not up there you idgit," The voice responded in annoyance.  
  
"Where then? And who are you?!" The prince demanded, looking around wildly.  
  
"Reviewer Pan of course! You may think of me as more of a subconscious conscience thingy though," A small female creature muttered as she stood calmly on his shoulder.  
  
Being the dolt Vegeta could often be, he smashed Reviewer Pan as if she were a small insect.  
  
"Asshole!" She screamed beneath his thumb. "Deadbrained twit, idiot barbarian!"  
  
"Are you done?" Vegeta asked in a show of surprising patience.  
  
"Not quite," The tiny person responded.  
  
"Alrighty then," Vegeta astutely proclaimed with a nod.  
  
**More muffled curses and insults berate his sensitive royal ears**  
  
Vegeta lifted up his thumb and wiped it on his shirt. "Now then, what did you come here for?"  
  
"Hmph," RP muttered crossly. "I came here to warn you of three misfortunes, thank you very much!"  
  
"Do you always squeak like that when you talk?" Vegeta asked, screwing up his face in discomfort and fiddling with his aching ear. "NO!" RP shrieked angrily. "The author's making me speak this way for her own cruel amusement!"  
  
"Cruel amusement, eh? Kinda of like how she's writing this story and making bad things happen to me, right?"  
  
"We're all victims of her evil authory whims," The fairy responded sadly.  
  
Vegeta nodded then resumed with the plot. "Whatever happened to that buffoon Kakkorot?" He asked, not really wanting to know for fear of the worst.  
  
And oh boy, was it gonna be bad.  
  
RP gulped, then shuddered. "You were too late Vegeta," She whispered in fear. "President Bush got to 'im and now there's nothing I or anyone can do."  
  
Vegeta twitched. "You mean to tell me he's going to come sauntering in here in a hideously expensive car licensed by the Whitehouse and further ruin our lives through the evils of Bush?"  
  
"Wow, you pretty much summed up what was going to happen in the rest of the chapter with one sentence," RP stated with a blink.  
  
"Go me!" Vegeta shrieked happily.  
  
But there would no going for Vegeta's "me" for at that very moment Goku was sauntering in a hideously expensive car licensed by the Whitehouse, ready to further ruin Vegeta's life through the evils of Bush.  
  
"Damn," Vegeta muttered. "It's just not fair! I KNEW THAT SENTENCE WAS GOING TO COME BACK AND HAUNT ME!"  
  
**Sentence applies pasty white make-up to haunt Vegeta, grows bored after a couple of fruitless minutes, and erases itself**  
  
"No it didn't!" Vegeta cried. "The sentence is still up there; I can see it!"  
  
"Shut up," Kayfig mutters irritably. "Can't you see you're ruining the comedy of my genius tortu-I mean storytelling?!"  
  
"Torture is right," screamed RP. "Look at me! I talk in a high- pitched voice remiscent of one of those annoying Japanese school girl animes AND I'm a fricking fairy! You said I was going to appear as-"  
  
"I never said what you were going to be, so silence yourselves! Besides.....Goku's getting impatient and horny in that stupid car, and I need to get to that part I previewed in my last chapter!"  
  
"No way!" Vegeta whined. "I don't want that weirdo coming on to me!!!"  
  
"Don't you mean 'on top of you'?" The writer snickered evilly.  
  
"EEW-NO!!!! SICKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!" "SHUT UP!" RP roared furiously. "The longer we fight about it, the longer this damn chapter's gonna last!!!!"  
  
"So? What's so bad about that?" Kayfig asks in all oblivious innocence.  
  
**Is glared venomously at**  
  
"Okayyyyy then," The author mumbles, laughing nervously. "I'll just be going on my sweet little way......"  
  
**Author disappears**  
  
**Story resumes**  
  
Goku climbed out of the car wearing a business suit and cheap lipstick.  
  
Vegeta's jaw dropped and RP began to gag violently. I mean...it IS pretty disgusting when you think about it! (Ka: YECH! **makes face)  
  
"Legislative Branch, edugimated kittens." Goku muttered dazedly.  
  
"KAKKAROT-SNAP OUT OF IT!"  
  
"Yes, I would like to sleep with you. Do you mind a threesome?"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Vegeta screamed, twitching madly. "BUSH IS A LEADER OF EVIL, EVIL!!!!!"  
  
"Now don't be that way about it," The brainwashed Goku cooed. "The President's gonna rock your world, honey-he's gonna rock your world ALLLLLLLLL night long!"  
  
Vegeta went into spasms.  
  
Pan: Is that ALL?  
  
Kayfig: For now, yes.  
  
Vegeta: **whimpers** He's gonna rape me isn't he?  
  
Kayfig: -.- Wellllllll....I wasn't exactly planning to go THAT far......  
  
Vegeta: MAKE HIM STOP! **sobbing** MAKE THE EVIL OF BUSH STOP!!!  
  
Kayfig: **shakes head sadly** Bush's evil will never be stopped until he's impeached or his term runs out.  
  
Pan: Did you know I'm from the Netherlands?  
  
Kayfig: **nods**  
  
Pan: Okay then. ^_^  
  
Vegeta: **still hysterical*  
  
So uh....yeah. Tune in next time or Bush will be paying you a little visit veryyyyyyyyyyy soon! **shudders**  
  
Preview of Chapter 8:  
  
After Goku is dumbed down to his normal 'ol self, trouble appears to be brewing on the horizon. What did Reviewer Pan do that was so bad as to alter the very membrane of time and space itself? And why the hell is everybody home so early from their camping trip?!  
  
And why can't I get a decent slice of cheese around here, huh? Man......sometimes life just isn't fair, 'ya know?  
  
Oh well.  
  
Toodles!  
  
~Kayfig ^_~ 


End file.
